Equanimity is a Function of the Heart

It is the nature of life to be first one thing and then another. Equanimity can help us find balance in all of that. Remember that balance is never static and always responsive to the changing circumstance. Equanimity is served by remembering the bigger picture and doing nourishing things to support the body.

Equanimity is a function of the heart - warm and connected and yet also spacious and stable. Equanimity describes a way of being in contact with the world and the people in it. In other words, it is all about relationship. Equanimity and the other heart qualities of lovingkindness, compassion, and sympathetic joy are all about our relationship to ourselves, others and our experience. Our relationships with loved ones can sometimes get tangled. We love our loved ones, but that love and compassion can get a little blurred. The quality of equanimity and the equanimity phrases (if you resonate with phrase work) help us untangle the relationship from our own desires and aversions. Love remains and strengthens when we start to let go of our own craving, aversion, and delusions about others. We all get tangled up with our loved ones from time to time. Sometimes I forget that my husband Joe's life is not just about me - what he can do for me or what I want from the relationship! He has his own lessons and journey through the world and life. Also, we can forget that there are many ways to live and be in the world. Others do choose to live differently. No matter how much we love someone, we cannot live their life for them or make choices for them. Hence the equanimity phrases about others are to help us stay warm, connected, spacious and stable. In your meditation, you can bring to mind someone and slowly repeat phrases to support you in this wisdom. Here are some phrases that you can play with:

I wish nothing but the best for you, but your happiness depends on your actions, not on my wishes for you.

You have your own life lessons.

You have your own journey.

All beings are responsible for their own actions.

With great care, I accept how things are for you.

I will care for you but I cannot keep you from suffering.

I wish you happiness but cannot make your choices for you.